


Winding Circles

by insouciant



Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 06:51:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1459960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insouciant/pseuds/insouciant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Despite all that has wrought upon them, some things will never change and remain the same old.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Winding Circles

 

 

The wind whistles near his ears. He inhales and feels the cold air enter his nostrils. He turns his head and cringes as unexpected light tries to wriggle in his closed eyes. All his senses gently shake him awake from his sleep and finally, he opens his eyes, blinking to fight off the brightness.

 

Thor finds himself in a different place from where he had gone to sleep. He is no longer in a bustling city filled with noise, with life. He slowly turns in a small circle, studying the peaceful sight laid upon him. Snow falls and touches his skin and yet, the cold does not sting. He begins to walk forward, leaving footprints on the field covered in snow. He pauses, from time to time, to look around and to look behind. The silence brings him peace, but it also reminds him that he is alone.

 

He contemplates on when he will be awake from this strange dream when a little ball of snow hits him square on the back of his head. He immediately turns around as he brushes off the mess from his hair. He hears footsteps scurry across the field and then a fit of giggles. He looks around, a small smile lingering on his face, and finds little footprints disappearing onto the edge of the field.

 

“I know you’re hiding in there!” He warns ahead as he follows the steps. A name is caught in his throat. A name that always follows behind pranks and tricks.

 

Thor is near the end of the trail of footprints when he is hit by another snowball and despite the mess on his face, already melting and dripping, blurring his sight, he sees a little figure run past him. He is quick to turn and reach for the dark haired boy, yet too small to outrun him. The boy is nearly out of breath from laughing as he is turned to face Thor.

 

Thor inhales sharply at the boy standing in front of him with a smirk on his face. It is Loki with his eyes full of mirth, yet young and free of troubles and worries that would slowly cloud and twist his mind. Thor’s face, hardened from the initial shock, softens as he reminds himself that he is only dreaming. Dreaming of his brother, his fool of a brother. _It is a pleasant dream then_ , he thinks, for his brother has not once visited him even in his dreams since he’d lost him.

 

“Just because you _think_ you’re dreaming, it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun!” Loki shouts before he runs away from his brother, attacking him with yet another snowball.

 

Thor’s hair is a wet mess, more than anywhere else, as they chase each other around the endless plain, throwing snowballs. Loki is as accurate with the snowballs he aims at Thor’s head as he is with his throwing knives when faced with enemies. In the end, Thor gives up on this little battle of theirs and throws himself on the boy, trapping him under the ground with the plan to tickle him until his little brother shouts “surrender”. Just as they had always done when they were little boys.

 

As Loki’s small body hits the soft ground, however, there is a flash of green and the child under Thor disappears to be replaced by Loki, all grown and as always, beautiful and so dear to him. Thor is reminded of the day he had last embraced his brother in his arms. Even in his dreams, he cannot seem to feign his happiness, or be oblivious to the sadness that has begun to take a permanent place in his heart.

 

Yet he forces out a smile, brushing his brother’s dark locks. “Even in my dream, you are playing tricks with me, brother.”

 

Thor finds his dream all too real as Loki’s childish smile fades away and turns into something so familiar. Turn into the same sadness, the same longing. The longing for the past that once was and never will. Loki mutters to Thor to let go of him and pain pulls inside him. So he denies Loki of his little favor and does quite the opposite, tightening his hold on him and leaving chaste kisses on his cold face, from his forehead, his nose, his cheeks, to his soft lips.

 

“I miss you, I miss _us_ , when we were little boys, feigning battles with our wooden swords and leaving our rooms at night to steal food from the kitchen, but do not do yourself wrong into believing that I love you any less for who you’ve become as you grew up, as _we_ grew up."

 

Loki’s smile is too forced and his laugh sounds almost as if he’s crying and Thor has to remind himself, once again, that this is a dream. Besides, how could this be anything but a dream?

 

 

==

 

 

They wander around for a while longer, their fingers brushing one another’s, until they find a little cabin on the edge of the field. Their clothes are heavy, wet from the snow, and they are quick to shed them off to dry them in front of the fire. Wrapped in thick layers of blankets in bed, Thor watches with a smile as Loki starts a fire, using his magic. He had always made their hunting trips more convenient with his magic. As a little boy, Thor remembers watching his brother in awe as green light emanated around him, as he created fire and controlled water through the magic that flowed within him.

 

He is woken from his thoughts as Loki, equally buried in thick blankets, nudge him to give him more space so that they can sit together. He chuckles, pointing at his brother’s frizzy hair, looking a fine mess from their little snowball fight earlier. Loki punches him on the arm lightly and Thor thinks that although much has changed between them, some things _always_ remain constant.

 

As they huddle together in the small bed, sharing their warmth, Thor cannot take his eyes away from Loki as if to embed every single moment—every little frown and smile that pass on his brother’s face—of this so called dream. All this may be nothing but a dream, or maybe an illusion created from his troubled mind, the longing becoming unbearable at times, and yet, he is still afraid that this may truly be their last moment together. Loki has been hiding from him even in his dreams and his mind worries, _what if this really is the last time?_

 

The cabin becomes warmer as the bundle of wood burns steadily on the fireplace across their bed. Loki pushes the blankets off his body and pushes his lean body closer to his brother’s. Thor spreads his arms to let Loki in, wrapping him with thick blankets of his and inviting him into the warmth. It feels like second nature. As if they have always done this. As if this is how they should be. Ever since Thor had first laid his eyes on the little baby, wriggling inside their mother’s arms. Since they were little boys, sharing laughter, mischief, troubles, and tears. Loki rests his head on Thor’s shoulder and Thor would pull him closer if he could.

 

“I’ve missed you, Loki. I don’t think I could ever stop this longing.”

 

A different kind of silence surrounds the cabin. More somber. More _real_. “You should treasure the good memories we’ve shared together and put yourself at peace. If I were to ever return, it would mean nothing but chaos once again.”

 

“Loki-”

 

“No good will come to you by me. Not anymore.”

 

Thor’s hand wraps around the back of Loki’s neck. His grip is strong and reassuring. This habit of his brings many memories along and Thor can see a small smile linger on Loki’s lips. It’s as if he can read his mind saying _same old, same old_.

 

“I love you for who you are, Loki. You are my brother. My family. Now I may trust you less, but I will never love you any less. Whether we fight alongside or against. Whether you’re wreaking havoc or mending it." Thor chuckles as he adds on, “Whether you stab me with that dagger of yours, time and again, or bury your lips on mine, I will always be there for you. Do not ever doubt that.”

 

They remain silent for some time, listening to the firewood crackle, until Loki ends up snorting unable to contain his laughter and Thor is shaking his head, nudging his brother. “You took that as a challenge, didn’t you?”

 

With a growl, Thor pushes Loki down the bed, shouting, “That doesn’t mean I’ll be any less angry or forgiving!” and tickles him until Loki is on the verge of tears. They chase each other around the small cabin bare bodied, the cold weather outside forgotten, and they don’t stop until one of the blankets almost catch on fire. Despite them being far away from home and all grown, they still look around as if their mother would appear out of thin air to chide them for their mischief. It is only then that shadows return to their faces. They lie side by side in their cramped bed, catching their breath. Their bodies brush each other constantly, yet they do not mind it one bit. It is rather a comfort. A consolation.

 

 

==

 

 

The sun has set, darkness slowly surrounding their small world. Sleep returns to Thor, yet he continues to shake them off, distracting himself to stay awake. Finally with a grunt, Loki covers Thor’s eyes with his hands. Thor knows that Loki has been aware of what he’s been doing. He has always chided him for his lack of subtlety. He cannot sleep. He will not sleep lest he wakes from this dream and never finds his brother again.

 

“Sleep now, brother.” Loki whispers, brushing Thor’s hair with his fingers. “Sleep.”

 

It is as if Loki had put a spell on him, for he cannot keep his eyes open, his body feeling heavy. He clutches onto Loki’s hand. He wants to remember this. He doesn’t want it slipping away. No more.

 

“You will forgive me, won’t you?” Loki’s voice is careful, full of doubt. His voice becomes distant as sleep pulls Thor further and further away from his brother. He mutters, over and over again, and wishes that his answer reaches Loki. That it would comfort him.

_Always. Always. Always._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> smtg short i wrote to send to my friends during xmas but it never worked out (shitty printer, shittier copy machine) and it’s been sitting in my writing file forever so im going ahead and posting it here


End file.
